Thursday, March 03, 2005

Thursday Evening Coming Down

"Life Savers" is a REALLY arrogant name for a candy, don't you think ? I mean, I love the things(especially the sugar free ones- now with that whole thing of mine)-but I don't know that I can say that one of them has ever saved my life...Can you ? Do you want to know what candy has saved my life on NUMEROUS ocassions ? The Nestle Crunch I should name my first born after that valiant bastard of a candy bar...skeptical, are you ? Well, sit down on that love seat and let me regale you with an epic tale of love, fear,devotion,deadly venomous ants,a few Vespa scooters, and a whole lotta all started one sunny Friday afternoon in the small artistic community of Buttonwillow, California, just a few miles up the McKittrick Parkway.. I was at my pal Frederick's house and we were tossing back a few malted beverages and trading tall was me, Frederick,young Blesovich the blacksmith, and old Hattie, the town gossip. The topic turned to pets, and that's when things got dark- Hattie started recounting the escapades of a childhood pet, an albino gnu by the name Chester- I could see in her eyes how much she had loved that gnu-she told of how it had eaten old Grannies bloomers off of the clothesline., and of how it would always chew holes in the car tires...then her eyes filled with tears, as she told us all of Chester's last day- the day he was devoured by venomous ants by the Olde Creek- she said there had to be millions of them- he was nothing but bones in mere seconds- she still couldn't believe it...well, we all drank a toast to Chester..and then everyone went home... I stopped by the grocery on my walk home, and I picked up a quart of milk, a stick of butter, a loaf of bread, some cayenne pepper, a sponge, and a Nestle Crunch i reached my front door, the Crunch bar fell out of my grocery bag, I bent down to pick it up, and at that precise second the ninjas on Vespa Scooters that had been hired to kill me by enemies I made while in the CIA attacked, but because i was in a prone position,their attack was aimed too high, and I was able to disarm and kill all three of them, burying their bodies by the Olde Creek- all thanks to a Nestle Crunch bar...God Bless You, Nestle Crunch Bar !!!

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