Saturday, April 30, 2005

Don't Give Me That "Eye Of The Beholder "Crap !

It happened again. It happens every year, and every year, I tell myself that I won't get upset, but inevitably, I end up a sobbing mess..."Why don't they like me ? "Why didn't they pick me ?" " I tried my best"...That's right...Once again, I was NOT chosen one of People Magazine's Fifty Most Beautiful People...And I don't know what else I can do ! I have tried my best to become as beautiful as I think they need me to be, but it's never enough !!! Those heartless bastards !! I did the all over body wax !! I got the webbing between my toes removed !! I got pec implants !! I did the botox !! I did the collagen in my lips to get that Angelina Jolie bee-stung look !!! I had my heels and insteps reshaped !! I had 4 ribs removed !! I had them shave down my "bulky shinbones" !!! My knees were capped and shrunken !! Calf Implants !! I had my fingernails removed and replaced with pearl nails !!! My elbows were ground down to remove the pointiness !! My teeth were capped !!! I did good deeds !! I stopped throwing lit cigarettes at the homeless, just in case they were going for a "beautiful on the inside thing" ( Not bloody likely) Speaking of blood, I had my blood chemically treated so it smells like that J-Lo perfume !! I really am at a total loss here, people !! Eyelids lifted...Eyelashes replaced with silk...I had my corneas bleached to make my eyes a "dreamier blue "...And those sons of bitches couldn't even look my way ?...Who needs them, then ?!!??!?...I wonder if I could recover from a penile implant in time for "The Sexiest Man Alive" issue ?...I better call my doctor....

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