Sunday, October 02, 2005

One Last One A.M. Drive on LSD...

"Run quick they're behind us
Didn't think we'd ever make it
This close to safety in one piece
Now you want to kill me
In the act of what could maybe
Save us from sleep and what we are"- A Favor House Atlantic- Coheed And Cambria



It's over...I have worked my last wedding at the Blueberry...and it was relatively uneventful...I must admit, I had been looking forward to this day with both elation and dread...I was elated that it was my last Blueberry wedding(okay a bit of a bittersweet elation, but make no mistake...fucking ELATION)...but the dread was of what this wedding would hold for me... I ran through the laundry list of what I had dealt with...The Serial Vomiter...The Dancing On Broken Glass(TWICE) Nurse...THe SPRINKLERS !!!...The Four Year Old Pulling The Fire Alarm...The Mystery Pulling Of The Fire Alarm(With The Two Hour Unsilenceable Bell)...The "Dim Those Lights PLEASE(read::you dickhead peon) Bride...The Bride On The Stage...The Jesus Couple...The Wedding Ruined By The Absence Of The Frank Sinatra Impersonator...The Garbage Hiding Caterers...The Hollywood Lightshow and Drapery Wedding...The Burning Trees Wedding...The list goes on and on...And I tried to figure out what else could happen...Jealous Ex-Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Shooting Up The Joint...The Elaborate Heist Of A Priceless Manuscript During A Wedding...The Monkey Knife Fight Wedding...The "Where Can I Park My Kangaroo ?" Wedding...My imagination ran WILD...And all for naught...Sure, there was the drunken idiot who seemd determined to have my guard punch him in the face( Showing GREAT RESTRAINT, he thankfully did not)...And nine limos parked in front of the Blueberry for no apparent reason...But no monkey knife fights...No flaming arrows...No snipers...No Brawls...Just another wedding at the Blueberry...

"Bye Bye Beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step let down...Face step...step down"- A Favor House Atlantic- Coheed And Cambria

AND I was out by 1 o'clock...What the fuck ? I have to admit, I thought I was gonna get a ride on the cruel irony bus on the ride home.. I thought I was gonna be beset upon by condors or locusts or something...Or a meteor was gonna hit the car..And My Special Lady would be on the news tomorrow, crying uncontrollably(of course) and talking about how I had just worked my last wedding at the prestigious Blueberry Library when that pack of wild wombats had escaped form the zoo and feasted on my flesh...But thankfully, so far so good...

"You've been falling off the sidewalk
Your lips move but you can't talk
Tryin' to throw your arms around the world" - Trying To Throw your Arms Around The World- U2

By the way,. my girls were three weeks old on Saturday, and they should be home soon. Kick Ass !!!

Okay, I should hit the hay...Have good night, crimestoppers...Go Cowboys !!!...Try the milk fed carrots..
pjb

5 comments:

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Paticus said...

That's all well and good...But can I mambo dogface to the banana patch ?(Thansk Steve Martin)

c2 said...

mmmm, milk-fed carrots. *drool*

Jen said...

congrats on making it through your last wedding but I'll miss the late night blogs about Lake Shore. Perhaps you can start writing about the drives to the hospital, especially the parking lot? Or, I know, Toby was asking for the birth story; I too would like to hear it from you and see how it compares to what I remember. I believe I have some gaps to fill in. Fortunately with twins you'll still have plenty of vomit stories.

Lauren said...

Yay!!! Congratulations! I can say from experience that there is indeed a mixture of relief and sorrow.

Have a great end to it all! I'd much rather be home playing with babies any day!