Friday, June 09, 2006

Travelogue: Part 2: We’re Staying at the NOT The Days Inn

We finally got the fuck out of the airport, after we got lectured by airport security about why we “Shouldn’ta opened da door.”…Yes sir, I know that…”Cuz, they WILL come and get ya.” Yes, that’s why we didn’t go anywhere. “I mean, they WILL come and get ya”…It took all my strength to not grab him by the lapels and say “First of all, who the fuck is THEY? What is this, “LOST”? Aren’t YOU whom would come and get us? And if not, exactly how long would it take for THEM to get here? We already stood here for ten minutes before YOU showed up…When the FUCK can we expect THEM? Can I go get myself a beverage first? Criminy, just OPEN the fucking door, and let me get my family the fuck outta this airport !!”

But I held strong, I just nodded and smiled and pretended that I understood the gravity of my actions, and that I knew I was very lucky to not be on my way to Gitmo right now. And he finally stepped the fuck out of the way, and allowed me and my little band of terrorists in training to enter the concourse. I was actually looking forward to dealing with the fucking car rental people, how fucked up is that?

The car rental went very smoothly actually, and we were soon on the road. Then on our first turn, one of the car seats didn’t actually flip over, but it definitely TILTED more than it should have. We stopped immediately and fixed it, but that was a scary moment, though it didn’t seem to bother the baby at all. But I suddenly had a feeling I might soon be empathizing with Britney Spears.

We got the seat resecured(it seems that the belt was not locking- we had tightened it properly, it just had loosened) and went on our merry way…To stop and go traffic on LSD…Apparently it was rush hour/Cubs game/Sox game/Bears game/Bulls game/Blackhawks game/Ditka personal appearance/Michael Jordan playing pickup game at high school all at once because it took us SIX hours to get from Midway to the Gold Coast Hotel(NOT the Days Inn- I’m getting to that) which I believe is only 3 and a half miles…I’m talkin’ TRAFFIC, people !!!

Anyway, we arrived outside the Gold Coast Days Inn (Gold Coast HOTEL, NOT the Days Inn) and began wondering where we should park. I drove past the Gold Coast Hotel (NOT the Days Inn) and saw a parking lot that had a sign above it that read: Days Inn Parking. Perfect! As we were pulling into the lot, we noticed an “Authorized Parking Only: You will be towed, we’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck” sign, and thought twice about parking. There was a little alcove to the right, but when I jumped out of the car to ask the attendant a question, there was no attendant, it was a dumpster…And the dumpster would not answer ANY of my questions, that fuckin’ jerk.
I was then reminded of the glory of the CELL PHONE!! I grabbed the receipt for our room, and quickly dialed the number on my trusty phone…
“Gold Coast Hotel” the voice stated. That’s odd, I thought, did I misdial? Or did I mishear? I had better ask.

“Is this the Days Inn?”

“GOLD COAST HOTEL, FORMERLY the Days Inn.” He said, clearly insulted.

My smartass gene started to quiver, and I was tempted to reply with this statement “Oh, the Gold Coast Hotel…Is that the one with the big neon yellow DAYS INN sign in front of it? And the one with the DAYS INN PARKING LOT behind it? THAT Gold Coast Hotel?” But I didn’t, as I realized that this person could probably make life VERY difficult and unpleasant for these weary travelers. So, I said: “Oh. We’re at the parking lot back here, and we’re wondering if it’s okay to park while we check in, before we get a pass for the window. We won’t get towed will we?”

“I don’t know if we have any spaces. It’s $17.50 per night, but its fine for now. Do you have a reservation? “
“Yes, it’s under Paticus.”

“Oh, yes. Your friend is here, and the cribs are in the room.”

Excellent. Things were starting to go our way. But $17.50 a night for parking? We ain’t in the Hassee anymore.

Coming up…Some musings on the NOT the Days Inn…Puke-a-Rama…Cry-O-Rama…A Road Trip…Twinapalooza…AND further dealings with Delta!!


Feral Mom said...

Ah, those scary No Parking signs: "You park here, and we CUT OFF YOUR JOHNSON!"

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