Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"They Already Have One Named After A Blow Job...."

Before I get started on this rant, I want to first explain that while on the surface I will appear to be a huge hypocrite, I do not, in fact, believe that the facts support such a claim. Let me state my case, before I get down to stating my other case...Is that right ? I think so.

When the girls were born, we took Lucy, our old saturn SL1 to the hospital so that an expert could help us install the car seats( I thought that putting in car seats would be EASY...And maybe it is, for some people, but not for yours truly.). After they were safely installed, I noticed that the front seats of the car were waaaaay forward. So far forward, in fact, that I knew that I would not be able to drive the car. I asked the expert if the driver's seat could be pushed further back. She said that it could not, as that would wedge it against the car seat, and that was unsafe.

Well, that meant we had to buy a new car. Long story short("too late, how about interesting ?"-Richard Lewis) We ended up buying the Saturn Vue, a.k.a. the Saturn SUV. Now, it only has a 4 cylinder engine, so it is essentially a car with an SUV body, and it is actually smaller than their "mini"van. But anyway, there is my "I'm not a hypocrite" defense. Now, onto my rant.

Yesterday, when I walked out to load some crap into our car, Clementine, I saw that she was parked next to a behemoth SUV. I swear, this thing was 4 times the size of my car. And as I walked around it( I stopped halfway for water and oxygen), I noticed that it was called an ARMADA. Are they fucking kidding ? They actually went and called the thing "ARMADA". I guess it really should not come as a surprise, they already have one named after a blow job, so why not a fleet of warships ? I suppose the need for subtlety is past.

I can just see the future commercials:

"But the new Chevrolet Rim Job !!"

"Drive away away in a "Bayonet" Today !!!"

"You're not really driving, if you're not driving a "Knock Out Their Teeth, Grab 'Em By The Ears And SkullFuck 'Em" from Ford!"

I want one.

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