Saturday, March 03, 2007

2 Years Old...

That's right, Sandwich Flats is now three days past 2 years old. I think it's called a "blogversary" or something, or I suppose it could be a blog birthday too. I don't know...I don't care. I just feel like celebrating me, so I'm doing it.
I think I'll commemorate the event by repeating my very first post, so that we can all see how far I have not come....Enjoy.


Okay, the time is here for the “ Flying Underpants “.

I just want to, nay, I need to include this little disclaimer- You all must choose to read this story at your own risk. I will and can not accept responsibility for anything that may occur due to the reading of this story. Now, I am not necessarily saying that bad things will happen, but there are not many people who read or hear the tale of the “ Flying Underpants “ without it affecting their life in some way. Could be good, could be bad, but most likely, changes will occur. Consider yourselves warned.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s move on, shall we ? Or, should I say, to those of you brave enough to continue, let’s move on ? Before we start, I feel that you need to know some of the sacrifices that were made to bring you this time-honored tale of intrigue, mystery, sex(ooh), khaki shorts, and of course, “ FLYING UNDERPANTS" !!!!!!!! On this project, I had a research team of eleven grad students from nearby Domino City College. Most of them were students in geology, but I gave them a song and dance about this research counting toward their Reflective GPA Scale, and they bought it !! Anyway, they did a hell of a job researching. Fortunately, there were only minor injuries to the team, and only one fatality( Joey- largely considered the Heart ‘N’ Soul of the team, was killed when a textbook he was carrying ruptured, covering his body in a highly toxic ink and parchment paste- he fought hard, but it was too late. We dedicate this tale to Joey- “ Our Little Spark Plug “ ! ) during this particular research mission. Believe me, I have lead research expeditions where up to twenty five people lost their lives in the many libraries and thrift bookstores across this great nation. It’s sad, but is certainly a risk worth taking.

Now on with the story.THE FLYING UNDERPANTS(traditional-as told by Paticus)The flying underpants is a tale that seems as old as time itself, sometimes older. However, that is not the case. Aesop could not have told this tale. Nor could have the Brothers Grimm. Dr. Suess ? Perhaps, before he sold out with that "Fox in Socks" crap. Fox in Socks ? What the hell was that ? But, I digress. Our tale is the “ Flying Underpants “. Or as I have heard it called, “ The Underpants of the Air “ Or “ Airborne Underpants “. For our purposes, we will stick with the more traditional and accepted “Flying Underpants" .

We begin in Smalltown, USA, just down the road a stretch from “ The Big City “. Our hero is a fellow by the name of Craig Benrettle, a charming young man who just happens to be the Mayor of Smalltown, USA. He lives in a small cottage by the Old Mill Stream. On Saturdays, he likes to fish. On Sundays, he has a fishfry, and all his friends come and partake in the great food. Mrs. Tuttle brings her wonderful mustard and relish potato salad. Mr. Gipple, the owner of the Watering Hole, brings sodas, beer and flavored spring water for everyone. You know the kind of party. There are games and music. Ol’ Charley plays his fiddle, with Bubba on drums, and Clovis on washtub bass.Shortly after the sun goes down, Mayor Craig enters the house and emerges a few minutes later with a large box draped in velvet. Cousin Chester plays the town song on his bugle, and then Mayor Craig opens the box.

Inside, laying in a bed of purple satin, is a XXXXXXTRA Large pair of white cotton men’s briefs. Mayor Craig lowers his head, and the rest of the partygoers follow suit. When the time is right, Craig bellows “ IT IS TIME FOR THE FLYING UNDERPANTS OF SMALLTOWN, USA !!!!!!!!!” The underpants are then hooked to the flagpole, and run up to the top. The breeze off of the Old Mill Stream blows the underpants, filling them with air, and making them appear to “ FLY “.For a few seconds, everyone puts their hand on their hearts. Mayor Craig then walks to the center of the crowd, drops his pants, and announces : “ LET THE SMALLTOWN, USA FLYING UNDERPANTS ORGY…BEEEEEEGIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! “And begin it does.


There you go, my friends, there is the story of "The Flying Underpants." Thank you, and goodnight.

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