Monday, February 11, 2008

"Uh-Huh...Yep...(Uncomfortable laugh)...Sure."

Hve you ever been in a room with someone that you might know a little, but not very well, like, for instance, a nurse at your Doctor's office ?

You have ?

Has that person ever spent the whole time you were together making vague criticisms aimed at their co-workers , and just saying things that you wwere not sure whether you should respond to or not ? Because that is what the nurse at my Doctor's office did Friday morning. It was a little bit weird, and I wish it was either not weird at all, or that it had gotten much weirder.

I think it would have been more comfortable if she had just become completely unglued like some character in a sitcom or something...But she just kinda did this little slow burn, akin to that of a serial killer(generally much less amusing than a sitcom character) and I guess she was talking to herself, but she was doing it kinda loudly, and she was near me the whole time doing the blood pressure and stuff, so I just had to smile and nod and what have you. But I was nervous that she was going to stab me in the neck with the thermometer or something.

Did I mention that she was also wearing the old school one piece white nurse's dress ? That didn't help any. My brain kept picturing what it would look like after she punctured my jugular vein with the thermometer, and my blood arced out onto that crisp white uniform.

Then there was some noise outside the room, and I am pretty sure I heard her say, "That sounds like my husband." And I almost...I ALMOST said, "Oh, does your husband work here as well ?", but I didn't. And something tells me that may have saved my life.
Because if I had asked the question, I'm fairly certain this is what would have happened-She would have emptied the sharps disposal bucket on my head, so there would be used syringes sticking out of my scalp, and then, just as I had seen in that other vision of the future, she would have stabbed me in the neck with the thermometer, and the blood spurting onto her white nurse's uniform, would have looked like some horribly violent Jackson Pollack canvas. Then I'm pretty sure she would have dumped my body down some huge garbage chute(which I am quite sure they have there, for just such an occassion), and gone on with her day. the blood on her uniform explained away as a routine blood draw gone awry by the entrance of a hummingbird into the room.
So, it really is a good thing that I did not ask the question. I just nodded, and she took my pulse and left the room. Tragedy averted.


Miss Ann Thrope said...

You crack me up. Jackson Pollack indeed.

Nurse Ratchet comes to mind here.

Paticus said...

Miss. Ann- Yes, Nurse Ratchet DEFINITELY came to mind !!