Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Paticus' Past Volume 13 : High Plains Quarterback...

That's right folks, we're on memory lane again. This time we are visiting the dorms. That's right, Paticus Goes To College !!

There are lots of collegiate stories to tell, but since I'm feeling kinda sporty today, I thought I would tell you about the "High Plains Quarterback".

It was my freshman year at an Indiana university that we will call "Murdue" to protect its' reputation. I lived in a dorm that consisted of several small buildings that each had ten rooms in them. The story was that they were old temporary Army barracks, but that was never confirmed. the other rumour was that if one of the buildings ever caught fire, it would burn down in like 10 minutes or something, thankfully, that one was never confirmed either.

Anyway, there was a flag football league set up. We decided to form a team. And let me tell you...We were not good. At all.

And that made people happy. You see, were very unpopular in our dorm. the RA's didn't like us, the other tenants(at least most of them) didn't like us...In fact, I would say about a quarter of the people in our little group of 18 probably didn't like us. Why didn't they like us ? Well, we were different. And, to be honest, being different in West Lafayette, Indiana was not a great thing to be(just ask Axl Rose), at least not at that time, I found the freak community later on, and things got a bit easier. As a result of being different, and being treated as such, we probably kinda became douche bags in rebellion. Those are tales for another time, though. Let's just say that it got to the point where the R.A.'s were doing nightly walkthroughs in our unit. And before one of these walkthroughs, wouldn't you know that somehow all of the furniture from the lounge ended up in the bathroom. Crazy, huh ? They didn't think it was very funny.

Back to the football. We played a game or two, and we sucked. Imagine the Bad News Bears, but older, and if they were hungover and or stoned all the time, then you have us.

One day, while we were practicing, we noticed this dude watching us. He was wearing a baseball hat, and the sun behind him formed a halo of light around his head.We started talking, and it turned out that his girlfriend lived in our dorm, and he was just hanging out there. We asked if he felt like playing, and he said sure. And he was GOOD. really good. So he joined our team, and became the quarterback. And we started winning games.

We won a lot of games. In fact, we ended up in the Championship game.

The morning of the championship game, we receive a phone call from the head of the league telling us that he received information that our quarterback did not actually live in the dorm ,so he could not play in the game. Can you say, conspiracy ?

Well, we played in the game without our best player. And we played inspired flag football. it was like his spirit was guiding us, willing us to victory. And if not for some "phantom penalties" against our team(including one for one of the players on our bench accidentally stepping on the field BETWEEN plays), we might have won. But it was not meant to be. We came in second. And I hope those officials are proud of themselves. Bastards.

As we stood on the field, dejected, I swear we saw him, our High Plains Quarterback, over on a distant hill, and he tipped his baseball cap, and disappeared is a shimmer of sunlight.

I can't remember our mystery quarterback's name. I don't recall that he ever gave us one. But he took a ragtag bunch of misfits and brought them to within one technicality of a flag football championship. And for that, I will always remember him as our High Plains Quarterback.

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