Okay, so here is the first of the stories written with the 18 words(bolded in the text) some of you folks provided.I used Kevin's words in this one.
A Find!!
This is huge. I mean monumental. I cannot believe that we found one, and in pristine condition, too! And in my parents backyard!! We are on the precipice of history here, Johnson! The excitement is palpable. We have found an honest to goodness fossil!! We are going to be rich! And famous! The ladies will most certainly become flirtatious! We will probably be asked to appear on many local morning talk shows!! I bet I could become polyamorous if I so desired!! Women will follow me and offer me a flagon of mead and one of chartreuse as I pillage all the neighboring towns!! The celebration shall dwarf the one held for the American centennial!!
What? What do you mean? No, there would be two flagons, one of mead and one of chartreuse. No, mead is not a color! I know that chartreuse is a color, it is also a fine liqueur, distilled from 130 herbs! My God man, have you no class? What I am trying to tell you is that once I become rich and famous, I will have women following me with exotic ales and liqueurs! Way to ruin my moment, Johnson! Well, what should I expect from someone who eats his taco with a knife and fork?
You know what I think I will buy with some of my wealth? A bathtub that will be filled with cinnamon and allspice, and placed exactly in the center of the bathtub? A single tigerlily. Why? To symbolize the eternal battle between good and evil, of course.
This is so very exciting! I feel like Jonathon Livingston Seagull! Huh ? Wasn’t he the one that met that explorer guy in the woods or something? “Mister Livingston Seagull, I presume?” No, that wasn’t him? Sorry, Johnson, I guess I’m not as smart as you! Mister “Two Semesters at Junior College”! Big deal, all you took were electives! I got a much more prestigious degree. You know where from? “The School of God-Damned Hard Knocks”, that’s where! University Of The Streets! How about that?
Oh, man, Johnson, I cannot wait to take this fossil, and go visit that smartass from the Circle K, Dwayne. I’m gonna back that smug fuck into a corner, and make him squirm! Teach him to ridicule my Green Lantern tee shirt! Try to tell me that the Green Arrow is cooler. My ass he is! I’ll reduce that jerk to a pile of ashes! It’s gonna be sweet.
And he won’t be the only one! All of my enemies shall bow before me, and try their best to placate me. I will scoff at them as I gnaw on my succulent turkey leg that one of my many minions will always carry with them, in one of those heated bags that the pizza places use. Revenge will indeed be a dish best served cold, but with a side dish of warm turkey leg! Everything is better when one is gnawing on a warm turkey leg.
And all this we be possible because we found this extremely rare fossil!! Hand me that brush, let us delicately clean off some of this dust. Ooh, it looks like there might be some writing on it! Ancient hieroglyphic, I bet. Let’s see here…T-w-i…Twist! It says Twistoff! Twistoff! Perhaps it’s a rare coin from one of the great czars of Russia! Not as old as I thought, but still it could be very valuable! Quick, Google the name Twistoff!
What’s that? It saysTwistoff was a member of the cola family? What cola family? Coca-Cola? What ? I am conf…oh, shit.
Stop laughing, Johnson! Just stop it. And let’s get back to digging.
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