Monday, April 26, 2010

What Do You Do When Your Pack-Ratness Works In Your Favor?

My name is Paticus, and I'm a Pack-Rat.

  I'm not a hoarder(at least not yet)...Now, I know that every hoarder in the world will tell you that they are not a hoarder...But I really don't think I am.I guess every hoarder would probably say that, too. Oh, well, I guess I'm fucked either way, so I'll stop trying to convince you.Just suffice it to say(that is a dodgy saying to try and write, I hope I got it right) that my house does not have "paths" in it, I still can find my children, and there are no carcasses in there.

  Enough of that. Anywho, here's the sitch from yesterday: I was in the kitchen , whipping up some breakfast, and I heard a crash in the living room. It was a crash I had heard many times before, the sound of the TiVo remote hitting the hardwood floor.But, there was something different. It sounded louder, more jarring. I called out,"What was THAT?". And I heard, "I dropped the remote." from My Special Lady, in her extra annoyed voice, the one she gives me when I have asked an idiotic question. So, for a second, I thought that I had misheard the crash, that there had been some sort of aural anomaly occurring between the living room and the kitchen, and it had intensified the sound of the remote crash. I breathed a sigh of relief.
  But then, I heard the words that make a man's blood run cold..."Now, before you freak out...". I could tell by the tone that she was approaching the kitchen. And I knew. And her warning fell on deaf ears. I already started to freak out. Then, she entered the kitchen and I saw what was in her hand...The TiVo remote...It was split almost in half...Hanging together by a plastic seam at the bottom. I took it gently from her hands.And I will admit it...I lost it. I yelled:"Dropped the remote? Where'd you drop it from, the sky?"

  And then, I noticed that the top button the "TiVo CONTROL BUTTON" was gone altogether.No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no...This isn't happening....It cannot be...

  Once again, My Special Lady showed why she is the Batman to my whiny,sniveling Robin. She took the remote back from me, and took it into the living room to see if she could fix it, while my daughters and I stared at her, useless.She quickly told us all to go away and leave her alone.

  I returned to the kitchen, and went back to work on my breakfast.My Special Lady came in a few minutes later, I looked at her, eyes wide with hope...But she grabbed the phone book and left again."What are you looking up?"

  As I entered the living room she was hanging up the phone."It's after, ten, right?" She asked. I nodded."I"m calling Best Buy," she said,"to see if we can get a new remote."

   I turned to leave, and a thought occurred to me..."Where's the old remote?" I asked. We had a previous TiVo that had died, and for some reason, we did not send the remote back with it.When the girls were younger, we had let them play with it, but they had not played with it in a while.We probably should have thrown it away(it was in pretty sad shape)...But I was pretty sure we had not. My Special Lady's eyes lit up, and she quickly went to the bedroom. She emerged seconds later with the old TiVo remote.

  I took it from her and sat down at the coffee table. I carefully removed the batteries from the broken remote, and out them in the old remote. I held it to my lips, agave it a small kiss and some words of encouragement, aimed it at the TiVo box and pressed the Power on button...The tee vee came to life. I pressed the "TiVo CONTROL BUTTON", and the TiVo main menu popped onto the screen. HUZZAH!! It still worked !!

  We were saved!!!

  So, now you see the dilemma. I have been trying to combat my pack rat tendencies, but I was just saved by those very same tendencies.

  What's a guy to do?

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