Monday, June 07, 2010

Local Beauty Queen Stripped Of Tiara For Screaming Obscenities at the Elderly

Tenafly, N.J. - Shannah DeMarco, Miss. New Jersey Auto Parts of 2007 was stripped of her title on Wednesday, just 6 weeks into her reign. 

    Apparently, she was appearing at a Valentines Day for Lovers Luncheon at a local old age home, and one of the citizens of the home asked her to keep the singing down, as it was disturbing his game of solitaire. Miss. De Marco did not appreciate the comment, and paused her rendition of “I Will Always Love You” to call the man a slang term for homosexuals.

   “She’s quite beautiful,” said Herman, an attendee of the party,” but she’s no Lillian Gish, and she is certainly lacking in social skills. I am dubious of any beauty contest that would crown her a winner. And I though that her calling Jimmy a cross–eyed (expletive deleted) was really uncalled for.”

   Miss. De Marco was not done with her rampage. As the crowd began to murmur with disapproval, DeMarco turned her ire to a group over by the punch bowl. She apparently used several inventive slang terms for the female genitalia, and accused the ladies of having sexual relations with various farm animals.

  “It’s such a pity,” said Matilda, one of the women by the punch bowl “when I was a young, girls simply did not talk like that. I highly doubt she’ll ever get married talking like that. And quite frankly, she’s no Liza with a Z in the singing department, either. Her whole performance was quite dull.”

  Immediately after the farm animal remark, the party’s organizers dragged a still screaming DeMarco off of the stage and into the nearby kitchen. Several residents who were nearby said that the heard racial epithets coming from the kitchen.

  A spokesman for the Pageant issued a statement announcing DeMarco’s removal.

  “We are sorry to say that Miss. De Marco will no longer hold the title of Miss. New Jersey Auto Parts. We at the Pageant sincerely apologize to anyone that was offended by her remarks. We are proud to announce that Miss. Patsy Sullivan will be the new Miss. New Jersey Auto Parts and we will crown her in a ceremony on Saturday at the Legion Hall.”

  Miss DeMarco was not available for comment, but her publicist did issue a statement that Miss. DeMarco was taking prescription medication for pain at the time of the outburst, and that her comments are “something she regrets, and certainly do not represent her feelings about the elderly, homosexuals, cross eyed people, women’s private parts or farm animals.”

  Other than this incident, the party was viewed as a success. Though it was reported that the chicken served for lunch was a little dry.

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