Holiday Letter 2010

 Holiday Letter 2010

   How’s about a Happy Holidays up in here? Yeah yeah yeah. Another year has gone by, time to fill you in on the hizzappenings with the Paticus clan!

  As you all know, in the past we have had some real issues with underachieving…And unfortunately, that trend has continued. We have endured yet another year of NO major championships, no gold medals, no blue ribbons…Just how much can a father be expected to endure? We are seriously questioning our decision to renew their family contracts for the 5 years. What’s done is done, and I need to add, the reports that we were seeking a trade are patently untrue. We are not currently looking to change the family line-up. We just need the members of the current line-up to live up to my unrealistic expectations…Is that really so much to ask?

  As many of you may know, we moved this summer. Just across town, but it really is for the best. The neighborhood association for our last house REALLY frowned upon my clothing choices(pardon ME, but it is simply more comfortable to cut the lawn in boxers), and they were not big fans of hearing Jerry Vale records after 9 p.m. either. Hopefully, our new neighbors will be more welcoming.

  On the plus side…I was NOT arrested this year!! I know what you are thinking…Yes, there was a time that I was suspected of being the “Streaking Cake Bandit of Leon County”, but that was not me, and I was never charged. Apparently, their “eyewitness” had imbibed several appletinis, and was quite unreliable. Plus, anyone who knows me, knows that if I get my hands on a cake, whether I’m naked or not, I’m eating the damn thing, not throwing it at local officials. So, that was that. And I was detained and questioned a couple of times, but NO CHARGES were brought against me this year. Ya to the hoo!!

    The girls turned 5 this year(on the same day that I turned 29) and the party was held at the municipal pool. It was supposed to be a gymnastics party, but there was some issue with the gym(apparently a family of wombats had gotten loose in there or something…The details were unclear), so they moved us to the pool. That worked out fine, plus I was able to wear my brand new zebra striped thong. It was win-win!

 

     Ramona published another two volumes of her Zombie teen love serial, Rotting Heart. The second book was called “Rotting Heart: The Sweet Ooze of Your Skin”, and the third was “Rotting Heart: I Only Have Eye Sockets For You”. These two books further the romance between South Dakota tuba playing high school freshman Giuseppe and his zombie love, Sara. Of course, their romance is complicated by his parents distaste for the undead, and by the arrival of a young lady named Daphne, a lovely creature who previously lived in a little place called the Black Lagoon. The movie versions of the three books are in pre-production, and they are in talks to have Miley Cyrus play Sara, and (you didn’t hear this from me) none other than someone whose name rhymes with “Rustin Leiber” to play Giuseppe!!!

   Lillian has taken interpretive dance/performance art to dizzying new heights. She has created a dance “alter ego” that she calls “Moosey”, and in her newest piece: ”Moosey On the Edge of Darkness”, Moosey deals with some of the heaviest  issues facing the world today, healthcare, drug abuse, the disgustingness of spinach, and the unfairness of wearing jackets. It’s harrowing, thought provoking, and in the end, uplifting. Keep your eyes open for a performance in your area, or maybe scan the youtubes for some clips.

    Jen…Well, what can I say about Jen? Her forays into crafts simply become more astounding every year. This year, she decided that she wanted to make some dioramas of some famous scenes from history…Made entirely out of used bandages, pipe cleaners, dryer lint, and q-tips! She started off small, with a depiction of the “Surrender at Appomattox”, but quickly took on such challenges as the “Mayflower Landing at Plymouth Rock” and “The Staged Moon Landing”(yeah, you read that right, she’s a rebel). The detail is ASTOUNDING. Etsy, here she comes!!

  As for me, well, I am putting the finishing touches on my one man show, which is tentatively entitled “Who Needs Pants? The Somewhat True Tales of an Accidental Nudist”.  Coming to a theater near you sometime in 2011(fingers crossed).

  Here’s to you all having a happy and healthy 2011.

  Love- Patrick,Jennifer, Ramona & Lillian