Thursday, April 19, 2012

Two Weeks?(or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Pumpkin Sized Testicles)

Wow. I didn't know what I was going to write about, I just knew I wanted to right something, and now I have this new Blogger interface staring back at me.
  Can't say whether it's good or bad yet, really, but it's different.

 Sorry that I have been a bit absent lately. I recently had an x-ray machine fall on me at work(which is strange, because I work in an academic office at a University) and things have been a little weird ever since.

 The doctors say that I was exposed to the equivalent of fourteen billion x-rays. Apparently, that is A LOT of x-rays. they are not sure what the long term effects might be, or whether the short term effects will become permanent or will lessen over time.
  What short term effects you ask? Well, let me tell you.

  First thing, BRIGHT GREEN URINE!!! It's crazy, man. It also burned a hole through our toilet. I can now only pee into a titanium bedpan, or onto things that I want to destroy. It's been a great help keeping the neighbor's dog out of our yard.

  Also, my eyesight has improved greatly. I no longer need my glasses AND I can tell what people are carrying in their pockets and bags.

  Thirdly, my testicles have grown to roughly the size of prize winning pumpkins. Fortunately, the good people at Haggar have made me some custom slacks, and my insurance covered the purchase of a Rascal(with a sidecar, of course for "the boys".

  And the last one is that my face has apparently taken on a slightly reddish hue. It's really barely noticeable.

  I don't think it's anything to worry about.

  So, what's up with you guys?

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