C'mon Down To Chet's House O' Hosiery !!!

Mornin' folks, Chet Merriwether here, owner and proprietor of Chet's House O' Hosiery...and I am here to tell you about an exclusive new development in the world of hosiery...now don't bother looking at Sam's Sock World, or Tights R Us, because you will NOT find this revelation at any of those places, no you will not, there is only one place to find this innovation- right here at Chet's House O' Hosiery...now when I tell you what I am talkin' about, you will probably scoff...and I am prepared for that... I will forgive some scoffing...because people who are awed and flabbergasted often scoff in spite of themselves...but you will soon shut your scoffholes forever, because this new invention will change your lives...there are a lot of myths out there...a lot of "holy grails"...Bigfoot...the Loch Ness Monster...Cold Fusion...edible cauliflower...but now there is one less...because as of today...Digital Socks are a REALITY...I'll allow you a few seconds to catch your breath...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...okay, that's enough...you heard me right my friends...we here at Chet's House O' Hosiery have perfected the Digital Sock...socks have been lagging behind technology for far too long, and the researchers and scientists at CHOH have rectified that situation...have you ever wanted to know the EXACT temperature of your left foot ? Digital Socks can tell you ! The exact temperature of your right foot ? You guessed it, Digital Socks can tell you that too...how about the current average of both feet ? The mean ? The average for the last 10 days ? 20 days ? 30 days ? Digital Socks can do it all. It's not only temperature either my friends. Oh no...these socks have odor sensors...moisture sensors...hell, we've even programmed in a bit of fashion sense !! These socks are, simply put, revolutionary !!!! They will be available in a wide range of colors and styles- gym socks, dress socks, stockings, footies, tights...pastels,earth tones,solids, stripes, polka dots...Haven't you lived long enough without the magic of Digital Socks ? Don't you owe it to yourself and to your feet ? You know you do...So come on down to Chet's House O' Hosiery and order yours TODAY !!!!