Wednesday, May 18, 2005

What A Gyp...

Now, I am used to disappointment...I know that there is very little left to believe in...steroids in pro sports...our government becoming a dictatorship...sex scandals on "American Idol"...But this is just too much...It's the last straw...You will simply NOT BELIEVE who has lied to me now...The male hygiene product industry...I'll allow a few seconds for you all to compose yourselves...1...2...3...4...5...Everyone okay ?...Good...That's right people, I have been deceived by the good people at Tag Body Spray...I saw their testimonials on the television...I purchased the product( a scent called Bold Warrior Ice Cold)...and not one single woman has attacked me...Not one friends' attractive mom has popped buttons off of her blouse with an uncontrollably heaving bosom...No bodyslams at the female wrestling matches I frequent...What is the deal ? I trusted you, Tag Body Spray...And you broke my heart...You have stolen my innocence, you bastards...

6 comments:

Christine said...

Yeah, I don't care about this whole body spray thing, but I am DEEPLY offended by your use of the word "gyp". As a person of Gypsyian heritage, you have besmirched the good name of me and my people. You'll be hearing from my lawyer, right after I bedazzle people with my tamborine while my 12 children from 13 different fathers go through the audiences' pockets.

Paticus said...

Wha...but...how...I did the research on the word...I visited a library and two beautiful and sexy ladies there looked up the word gyp for me and told me there should not be a problem with my usage( of course, they did not fight over me, which further illustrates my point)...but anyhow, I am very sorry for having offended you and your kind...are there any beads I could buy to make things better ?

Christine said...

You can't trust beautiful and sexy ladies. Ever.

My tamborine cymbals could use a good polish. Mmmm...polish...*drool*

lulu said...

What? Librarians are not beautiful or sexy. They're also asexual, and wear comfortable shoes.

This whole story smells of fish and gypsies.

Feral Mom said...

Librarians don't SEEM sexy, but once you take down that bun, pull off those glasses, and kick off those sensible shoes, they turn into white hot, insatiable fuck machines.

elizabeth said...

some of us librarians are hot to begin with... :) or that's what my husband says, anyway... and I certainly don't wear sensible shoes.