Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Happy Holidays !!!!

Wow, is it that time, already? The holidays are upon us once again.

Where shall I start? You know what, let’s get the bad news out of the way first, huh? As some of you may have heard, Arlo the Cat moved out this past October. It was a mutual decision, his work for the CIA was really making him little more than a ghost in our lives anyway, and he had recently made some powerful enemies that had actually put us all in harm’s way (I still run any packages under water before I open them. -Thankfully, my eyebrows have just about grown back.) We recently got an encrypted message from Arlo, and he is doing well. He is living with a grad student at an undisclosed location, and he has resumed his cover as a housecat. We wish him the best, and he is missed.

And let’s dispense with the elephant in the room, shall we? My arrest over the summer. I will make this statement on that, and that will be it…It was VERY hot that night, and I honestly FORGOT to put my pants back on before going out for ice cream…It was an honest mistake, and if it wasn’t an election year, it NEVER would have made the news…But a prosecutor with political aspirations thought he would make me an example of his Moral Crusade against Pantslessness…I will do my community service, and that will be the end of it.

Okay, onto the good news. RLB and LAB celebrated their first birthday on September 10th, and a great time was had by all. There was one profanity-laced tirade by one of their schoolmates, but it turns out that he had mixed a prescription painkiller for teething with apple cider, and that caused his agitated state. He didn’t even know the meanings of most of the racial and ethnic slurs he was throwing out. He has gotten some help, and we look forward to seeing him at our Boxing Day party on the 26th.

What else can I say about the girls? LAB is still working on the solution to our energy problem, and RLB’s poetry is getting better every day (we have asked her to cut down on the swears, but she‘s a Bukowski disciple, so what are we going to do?). And of course, both girls are still co-teaching the judo class at the Y on weekends. They are simply amazing.

My Special Lady is doing well also. She was luckier than I, no arrests this year. And she is getting to be near expert with her rifle. She can shoot bunnies in our garden without even getting up from the couch. It is AMAZING !!! I better not make her angry!!

What else is there? I continue to get taller, I am now at 8 feet, 3 inches tall- my doctors are at a total loss. I keep telling them that I think it may have something to do with that green fog I traveled through whilst boating on the bay on the 4th of July, but they tell me it cannot be that. Thank goodness that car has a sunroof, that’s all I have to say.

And how about 2007? Will my beloved Dallas Cowboys end their 11-year Super Bowl drought? We can certainly hope so. Will LAB finally crack that cold fusion equation? If she applies herself, and perhaps cuts back on the napping, it might happen. Will RLB write the Great American Novel? I don’t know, but her short stories about love in the Ottoman Empire are certainly amazing. Will My Special Lady ever find a student that “gets it”? Only time will tell, my friends, to quote ‘80’s pop supergroup Asia.

Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy and Healthy New Year to You all.

Paticus, Special Lady, RLB & LAB

1 comment:

Avitable said...

I support pantslessness in all of its forms.