Clearing The Air

I was hoping that the rumblings and rumours and innuendo would just dissipate on their own, but it is rather apparent that I need to address the situation.

Let us start with the obvious...I am not the new head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. That job went to Mr. Wade Phillips, a talented coach and great man, and I certainly wish him well. However, I can no longer deny that I was interested in the job, and in fact DID interview with Mr. Jerry Jones and his team. As I said, i was hoping to keep it quiet, but with all the damned media outlets, and now with the series of tubes known as the internets, it simply became impossible to keep quiet. Damn you, Matt Drudge !!

Here is the skinny. I did interview for the job. I was on the short list of finalists. I was reportedly the top choice of outgoing coach Bill Parcells, and of former Cowboys star quarterback Roger Staubach. Jerry Jones apparently had a different view of me- I believe his exact quote was-"there is no way that hippie freak is gonna coach my football team."

What went wrong ? I don't know for sure, but I have a few theories. I know that Mr. Jones did not like my plans to make the uniforms out of hemp(it was actually Woody Harrelson's idea, but I thought it was genius), but I think we could have worked through that.

He did not like my idea of basing the defensive scheme on the old playground game "Kill the Guy With the Ball". I felt that if all 11 defenders simply ran at the quarterback, he would panic and throw the ball up in the air. Fumble. Cowboys recover. Each game would be like 100 to 0. I still think that would work. He disagreed.

He definitely did not like my idea for dealing with the Cowboys arch rival Washington Redskins- I simply thought that before the game, we deliver them blankets that were treated with smallpox. It worked for our forefathers, so why not "do it old school", as the kids like to say ? He disagreed.

He didn't like my plans for the cheerleaders(weekly wardrobe malfunctions), or the concession stands(authentic "frontier grub"-squirrel, possum stew- We are the Dallas COWBOYS, are we not ?).

I could go on, but I think you get the gist. We were coming from two different places philosophically. Honestly, between you, me and the lamppost ? I think the fact that I had a vision, a plan for every facet of the organization scared Mr. Jones a little bit.It's a shame, I really think we could have done great things. C'est la vie, as Vince Lombardi used to say.

There you have it. That's the skinny, the scoop,the straight dope. I hope it puts an end to the whispers and speculation.