Sunday, April 08, 2007

Jesus, Bunnies & Psychedelic Eyeballs...The Traditional Tale Of The First Easter

That's right, by popular demand, here is the story of the first Easter,fresh from the Archives.

...I hope everybody is having a nice Easter, and for those of you who do not celebrate Easter, I hope you are having a good day of thinking about why you have chosen to go straight to hell...I'm kidding, I'm kidding

Today is Easter Sunday, the day that Catholics and Christians alike celebrate Jesus driving the bunnies out of Ireland...Of course you all know that the colorfully decorated or "dyed" eggs that we hide from the children as a fun and loud and messy game nowadays all started as a method for Jesus to rid Ireland of bunnies, as the bunnies were ruining the potato crop, and knocking over whiskey bottles and pints of Guinness, those furry, twitchy nosed little bastards !! Sorry, I lost my head there for a moment...But where was I ? Oh yes, Jesus driving the bunnies out with colorfully dyed eggs....It's a little known fact that bunnies eyes work as prisms...Light enters their iris', and just refracts all over the god-damned place, it's like rabbits are continually tripping on one of those"'psychedelic drugs" that those smelly bearded types are so fond of, you know the ones I'm talking about...But Jesus figured out that if you scattered brightly decorated eggs all over Ireland, the bunnies would see them, and the overdose of refracted light would temporarily stun the bunnies, and then they could be stuffed in sacks to be thrown into the River Shannon, and then families gathered at the river Shannon to scoop out the sacks as they floated by and all of Ireland had boiled(of course) rabbit for dinner...

So that's the story of the first Easter...Of course nowadays it's all about jelly beans and chocolate and we gather the eggs from the fields rather than the stunned bunnies, and there is some sort of vague religious celebration attached to it, but it all started with renegade bunnies, and a hippie taking advantage of their psychedelic eyeballs...Happy Easter everyone !!!

3 comments:

Avitable said...

Very nice. I always thought it was the celebration of the first zombie. Back from the dead after three days and looking for brains.

The Artist said...

I prefer the real story.

Paticus said...

Avitable- that's a good story as well.
Artist- Are you implying there is some other Easter story out there ? did my dear sweet Grandpa lie to me ?