Monday, April 30, 2007

Why Do I Keep Letting People Magazine Kick Me In The Balls ?

They have done it again.

Those pigfuckers.

It happens every spring. And every spring, I get my hopes up, only to have those heartless motherfuckers crush me under their boots. I'm sick of it.

Once again, I am not on People's List of the 100 Most Beautiful People. That's right they DOUBLED the number of people on the list, and I'm STILL not on it !! I have lost count of how many years in a row I have been snubbed. If it wasn't so cruel and tragic, it would almost be funny.

What do I have to do to make them notice me ?

I trimmed my eyebrows.

I started eating a macrobiotic diet.

I dated Keira Knightley for 8 weeks.

I adopted a baby from Zimbabwe. I adopted 3, in fact, and an 87 year old man.

I had 4 ribs removed.

I waxed my "junk".

I went into rehab(for a severe SuDoku and Zyrtec addiction).

I had collagen injected into my lips, fingertips, and testicles(it really did give them a nice "full" appearance)

I co-hosted the View for 6 weeks last summer.

What the fuck else can I do ?

Do you have any suggestions ?


Chris said...

Hell if I know. I think Drew Barrymore might be "cute" but the "most beautiful"? PLEASE.

If she was a cashier in the store, no one would every notice.

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Feral Mom said...

Oh, I would notice Drew. And I would take her away from that dead end cashier job, in my arms, up where she belongs. Ahem. What were we talking about? Paticus' waxed junk? Pigfuckers? Wuzz nuzz?

Avitable said...

You were robbed!

Paticus said...

Chris- I'm alright with Drew, but I should be there, too, you know ?
Thanks for stopping by!
Feral Mom-It's understandable, my waxed junk and oigfuckers have been the inspiration for many a romantic comedy.
Um- Don't you have some questions to answer, Miss ?

Avitable- Thanks for the support.