Crazy-Ass Crazy Dream That Was Crazy-Ass Crazy In It's Crazy-Ass Craziness.

Okay, maybe not THAT crazy-ass crazy,but it was pretty crazy-ass crazy.

What's that ? You would like me to tell you all about it ? Well, if you insist.

First, let's do some casting...In this dream, I appeared as Michael Cera, of Arrested Development,SuperBad and Juno fame.

Now, I don't know if he was portraying me in the dream, or whether I was portraying him in the dream, but I was the "star" of the dream, and I looked like Michael Cera with braces on my teeth.

There was also an Evil Lady With An Indistinct Foreign Accent. She was played by Sonia Braga.

The Evil Lady was always with "The President". Now, it was never stated in the dream that he was the President of the United States, but it was implied, and he was played by Donald Pleasence, who, of course, played the President of the United States in one of the greatest futuristic thrillers of all time, Escape From New York. In my dream, he was also doing a bad impersonation of GW Bush.

In the dream, I was always flanked by a female character, but I think my dream must have been written by Oliver Stone, as she was very underwritten, and did not really do much. She was played by Robia LaMorte(Jenny Calender on BTVS)

Okay, so there are the main characters.

It started with me hearing this strange message. I heard it over and over in my head. Shortly after I started hearing it, The Evil Lady With the Indistinct Foreign Accent(TELWTIFA) showed up at my door with The President. Underwitten Female Character(UFC) and I did not trust them. But, they said they could help me, so we cautiously let them in.

TELWTIFA told me that she could help me stop the messages. She asked what they message was, and I told her.(I cannot remember what the message was now). She and the President exchanged knowing glances and nods. TELWTIFA told me that I needed to write the message down. I did.

And she was right, that message stopped. But I immediately got another, different message. More knowing glances between TELWTIFA and the President. I wrote down that message as well.

Then I got another.Wrote it down. Got another. Wrote it down. Is this was going on, I kept looking over at UFC and we were both getting more and more nervous. Somehow, we figured out that I was receiving the messages through my braces. It was obvious that TELWTIFA and the President wanted, no, they NEEDED these messages. And it was also fairly obvious that their intentions were nefarious.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I told them that I needed to use the bathroom, and they assumed they had me fooled, so they let me go.

When I got to the bathroom, I opened one of the drawers and it was filled with magnets and paper clips and other small pieces of metal. I started shoving it all into my mouth, and it silenced the messages. By this time, UFC had snuck into the bathroom with me. I told her that we needed to go out the window, and start walking around the parking lot. As long as we were walking around the parking lot, we we safe. I don't know how I knew this, but I was damn sure of it. I took one last look at Michael Cera's face in the mirror, and we went out the window. Now, if my dream self had been thinking at all, there certainly should have been some sort of "we might die, this could be our last chance" kind of sexual activity between UFC and I...Alas, we simply went out the window.

Of course, there was some sort of carnival going on, and there were thousands of people out there in the parking lot, and Sonic Youth's cover of "Superstar" was blasting through the crowd. Just as we started making our way through the crowd, we saw the TELWTIFA and the President come around the corner. But we were safe, all we had to do was keep walking as Sonic Youth played on.

Then I woke up.

See what I mean ? Crazy-ass crazy.