Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'm Sorry....

I know, I should have said it sooner, but I...Well, I don't really know what I was thinking. I seem to be saying both of those things a lot lately.

"Sorry." and "I don't know what I was thinking."

It's been an ugly couple of weeks, but I am here to apologize, set the record straight, and hopefully, begin the healing process and move on. Of course, I will need your assistance on the last two.

Where should I begin ? I guess the "pictures" are as good a place as any. I am sure you have all seen them by now, so I am not going to link to them here. But I will attempt to explain some of them.

First of all, I need to say that I greatly respect Annie Leibovitz, so when she says "You know what would be great, Paticus ? A picture of you in a tiger print thong, dry-humping a bearskin rug !", You go with it, you know ? She assured me it would look tasteful. And when she says" You know what else would look great ? If we put you, naked, in a bathtub full of baked beans with a ferret and Verne Troyer-It'll be like an homage to Tommy, The Big Lebowski and Austin Powers!!" You agree, because she's freakin' Annie Leibovitz, right ? Needless to say, the photos are not as tasteful as I was led to believe. And I certainly was not aware she was still taking pictures as I climbed out of the bathtub.

As for the videos popping up on the interwebs...What can I say ? A digital camera, three bottles of Ouzo, a Snow White costume and Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits are not a good combination.

As for the scantily clad images that have been posted on the web, those were taken by someone that I loved and thought I trusted, but that was clearly bad judgement on my part, and I do apologize for those photos as well.

Dear readers, I know how disappointed you must be in me. I know how much you adore me. how much you look up to me. How much you trust me. And I feel horribly that I have betrayed that trust and that adoration. I cannot do anything but beg your forgiveness. I am truly sorry. And I also want you to know that i will be checking myself into the Crossroads Treatment Center in Antigua, to receive treatment for my addiction to Benadryl and Vault Zero soda. With the love and support of my family, my friends, My Special Lady, and, of course, you, my dear readers...I will beat this damn thing.

Thanks, Crimestoppers.

2 comments:

*jaime said...

I've already started a prayer circle.

Paticus said...

*jaime- Thank you. That is just the sort of support I need from the people who adore me so very much.