Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Can A Brother Get A Motherfucking Double Bag Up in Here ?

Seriously, what the fuck is it with grocery stores and their fucking stinginess on double bags ?
Why is it so damn hard for me to get my motherfucking groceries placed inside one plastic bag which is then placed in another plastic bag ?

And before you environmental people crawl up my ass, save your breath, I hate the Earth(it knows why), and I am doing everything in my power to blast a larger hole in the ozone layer. Every morning before I leave my home, I tape down the tops of two hairspray cans so that they will empty during the course of the day. That will teach the Earth a thing or two.

Now, back to my original point. Why the fuck can't I get my groceries double bagged ? They always say they'll do it. Here's the transcript for the conversation from just about every trip I have made to the grocery store since..oh, let's say the mid-90's.

Employee: Good morning/afternoon/evening sir ? Plastic okay ?
Me: Sure. Could you make that double bagged though, please ?
Employee:You got it.
Me: Thank you. Thank you oh so very much, you dear, sweet person.

And then they proceed to single bag everything. Sons of bitches !!

And this is across three states now !! Both coasts AND the Midwest !! Numerous supermarkets !! National and local !!!What the fuckity fuck ? If they don't want to double bag, then just say that they don't double bag. But they don't DO that. No, they say, "Oh sure." And then they double bag the first one, and then wait until I'm typing in my PIN or trying to wrestle a Clark bar away from one of my children, and they switch back to single bag. And if I notice, I might politely remind them of my desire for a double bag, and they will apologize and double bag one more, until my kid gets a hold of that Scooby Doo balloon, and then it's back to single bagging.

What the fuck ? Is it some kind of conspiracy ? Does anyone else experience this ? Is it me ? Is it something about how I dress ? My premature grey ? Should I try the Maxim for Men to get rid of that unsightly grey in my hair and beard ? WHAT IS IT ? Why can't a brother get a motherfucking double bag up in here ?


Michele said...

Dude, try a reusable cotton grocery bag. What kind of a freakin' hippy ass deadhead are you? ;)

Paticus said...

Michele- Yeah we've been thinking about using those. Do they make fur ones ? Or maybe one made of baby seal skin ? I'd feel more comfortable buying and using them if something was suffering. :)
But it's still the principle of the thing: Why won't they double bag ? Or more to the point, why do they SAY they WILL double bag, but then not do it ?

sh said...

Move back to the Midwest and shop at the Jewel at Broadway and Berwyn. I can't get them to single-bag, or to overfill bags, or to not bag. I make the first two types of requests when I've gone to the store with my backpack and/or trusty canvas tote bag, but end up baying more then will fit into them. I can usually grab an item or two before the baggers get to them, and yes, I need some plastic bags to supplement my own, but sheesh, apparently it is an all or nothing deal. Do ya want the big pile o-bags I have stuffed in my closet?

sh said...

Oh, and why was it that grocery store bags were not what first came to mind upon reading your title?

Paticus said...

sh- I wish I had known that when we lived there. i would have gone.
And it's not so much that we need the bags, but it's more why can't they do what I ask ?
As for your second comment_ I thought the title worked on several levels, that was part of the fun :)