Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Paticus Family Holiday Letter 2008

It’s that time of year again. Time for me to regale everyone with my family’s triumphs and tragedies for the past year. And regale I shall!!!


Let’s see, what has happened this year? RLB and LAB turned 3 on September 10th, and I turned 29 on the same day. And, of course, my lovely Special Lady turned 25 a few days later. We are quite the dynamic, young family, I will tell you what. We decided to have the birthday party at a local park, and luckily, it was around 90 degrees that day, with a relative humidity of 98 percent or so. Just fantastic weather to be chasing 3 year olds around.


What else can I tell you?


On the plus side…No arrests this year! Now, for you sticklers…Yes, I was detained a couple of times, but there were never any official arrest (though I am forbidden to ever enter an Arby’s again), so we can put that one in the plus column for 2008! Hooray for me!!


The girls once again failed to qualify for the Olympic team. NOT our proudest moment as a family. But fear not, I have made it absolutely clear how utterly disappointed I am in them, and I think that my new plan of withholding affection until they succeed will really pay off. I think you can expect to see RLB and LAB on the U.S. Ladies Water Polo team in 2012.Either that, or you may see My Special Lady and I with some newer, BETTER children.


On the plus side for the girls, their academic pursuits are really staggering. RLB has just finished a stage play based on some of the goings on at her daycare (they do say “write what you know” don’t they?) and it is called “No, You Are the Poopyhead: Tales (and Tears) From the Swing Set”. After only a few dress rehearsals, Ron Howard has contacted RLB about film rights.


Not to be outdone, LAB has written a sonata for recorder, triangle and voice that is entitled “My Moosey and Monkey Are Sisters and Poopyheads”. Some of the lyrics are quite impressive. A sample:


“My Moosey is a poopyhead

My Monkey is her sister

Monkey is also a poopyhead

But aren’t we all,

Poopyheads on the inside?”


Take that, Axl Rose!


My Special Lady, of course, has continued with her sharp shooting. She can now hit a tin can off of a fencepost from a thousand yards. And if you ask her to hit the second O in Coors, she will hit that durn second “O’ in Coors!!


Fenwick the cat…Well, Fenwick is doing well. He has decided to really focus on eating and sleeping, and I tell you what, he is a natural at it. There is just nobody that can touch him when he eats and sleeps. He’s a regular Bowl and Chair Jordan!!


And me, aw shucks. I just “keep on, keepin’ on”, as the man once said. I’m still working on my one act play about the life and times of “Little Debbie” of Little Debbie snack cakes fame, which is tentatively titled: “Blood on The Mixer: The Ballad of Little Debbie and Twinkie the Kid”: It tells the true tale of a romance between Little Debbie and Twinkie spokesman “Twinkie the Kid” that turned deadly after he caught her in a hotel room with Fruit Pie the Magician and Cap’n Crunch. I’m pretty excited by it. (Possible poster artwork below.)


And what will 2009 hold? Who knows? But to quote the lyrics of a certain songstress: “We’ll all still be poopyheads on the inside.”


Happy Holidays Everyone !!!!

Paticus & Family


3 comments:

Zoooma!! said...

Ron Howard makes some decent films but how many Oscars has he been nominated for and won?

Clint Eastwood, my friend. He's got the sensitivity -- Bridges of Madison County -- and of course he's Dirty F'in' Harry(!!) so the film will have grit! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I'm tellin' ya, it's the right choice here!

Additionally -- Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays, Paticus! As we come upon a new year, I hope you and your crew are all Happy & Healthy!

Jessica said...

Happy Holidays to you and your family!! :)

Paticus said...

Zoooma & Jessica- Why thanks guys. And happy holidays right back atcha!!