Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Got Screwed By The Red Elephant....

Not literally, thank god, but emotionally and spiritually, for sure.

Okay, now onto the the Red Elephant screwing.

For those who don't know...And it's quite possible that everyone outside of Tallahassee will not know, I am not fully aware of the reach of the Red Elephant...The Red Elephant is a pizza restaurant here in Tallahassee, and possibly elsewhere. It's "family friendly", which is good, because we have two sometimes annoying children(did I actually type that ? oops.) I mean, we have two angelic twin girls. It also serves BEER, which is good, because I have been known, on occasion, to have one or twenty beers.

So, last night, My Special Lady and I decide to take the spawns(is it spawns ? or is spawn both singular AND plural ? Who gives a hellfuck, I'm saying spawns, cuz there's TWO), to the Red Elephant. We sat down, ordered some milk for the girls and BEER for us, and ordered some fries doused in cheese and bacon...Mmmmmmmm...Bacon.....Mmmmmmmm...Bacon.......Sorry.

I then scarred my daughter for life by coloring the elephant's WHOLE foot blue instead of just the toenails. I am SUCH a jerk!

We ate some pizza, and then it was time to go to the "game room". Again, I do not know if Red Elephant is a chain or what, but the "game room" at this particular Red Elephant is essentially a closet with an animatronic rocking horse(the main reason the girls like going to the game room), some weird pyramid thing, one of those claw games, another weird game where you try and send a ball UP a fake hill, I can't even describe it properly, a hunting game, two off road riding games,AND...A table top Ms. Pac-Man game!! true, it also has Galaga on it, but who gives a hellfuck about Galaga ? MS.PAC-MAN!!!!!!!!! it looks kinda like this:

Now, I looooves me some Ms. Pac-Man. when I was a kid, my Dad owned a bar, and he had a video game in the corner. It changed a bunch of times:he had Star Wars for awhile, a TRON game(I got pretty good at that one too) and he had Ms. Pac-Man. My Mom would usually bring him lunch, so all summer, I would go with her and I would play Ms. Pac-Man while he ate lunch and they talked. I loved that game, and I got pretty good at it.

Anyway, while the girls ride the horse, I play Ms. Pac-Man. I was going pretty good last night...UNTIL I hit the pear screen. Now, let me preface this by saying that this is the second time I have played the game at the Red Elephant, and I noticed the first time that one of the ghosts was only eyes, when they normally look like this: I figured it was just a glitch in the game.

Well, last night, as I typed earlier, I reached the pear screen(which is the sixth screen-the screens are identified by the fruit that bounces through the maze and is worth extra points), and when the screen came up there was a small problem. The screen is generally made up of a maze that is full of dots that Ms. Pac-Man eats and looks something like this(this is not the actual pear screen, I could not find a screenshot of a pear screen, but I think you'll get the idea):

But, when the pear screen came up, there were no DOTS !!! It was just a blank maze. Being a college graduate, I quickly surmised what the problem was: the colors were off! Or at least, one of the colors was. It was why the one ghost was just eyes. I tried my best to complete the screen the way it was, but it was nearly impossible to remember what dots I had eaten, and since the room was fairly loud, I could not listen for the telltale waka-waka to guide me. I quickly died several times, and my game was over. Robbed! I was robbed I tells ya! Robbed of a truly fair gaming experience.

I was going to complain to the hostess on the way out, but this was bigger than her. I knew that I needed to get my attorneys involved, and take this up the ladder, to at least the assistant day shift manager. A letter is being drafted as we speak, and this wrong will be righted!!

I know that many of you will want to get involved and help me, and as soon as I have tasks for you, i will let you know.

This will not stand !!!

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