Demon Weed

A bit of a disclaimer on this story here. I wrote this I guess about a year ago(maybe more?) as part of this word game contest. We were given 10 words that we had to fit into a story. Then the entries were posted anonymously and voted on. I never won(and you may know why in a few seconds) but I just came across a couple of my entries, and I thought that they were kind of amusing. I hope you enjoy.

“I see London, I see France, I see Bush’s underpants!!”  Screamed the transvestite in the halter top as he ran down the street.

  It was nice to see someone making a political statement. Trying to make a difference in this crazy world. I myself was in that sketchy neighborhood trying to score some pot.  That was all that mattered to me. That’s a good start. I could tell them about the guy who was gonna hit someone upside the head “with a reel to reel tape!” No, I can’t say that without laughing. That dude was too funny. I could just say that something really awful happened. And now I have a criminal record. No, that will never work.

  Pot. Weed. Maui Wowie. Chronic. Doobie.  Wacky Tobacky. Call it whatever you want, but don’t call it harmless.  No, we always thought that poster was stupid.

  I could have been something. I was smart. I could have gone to an Ivy League school. Become a banker. Had a protégé. And maybe even escaped a scandal unindicted. A real power broker. But nooooo. I thought it would be more fun to smoke some dried herbs out of a hollowed out apple. Or out of a pipe made out of a monkey’s paw. Okay, I never smoked out of a monkey’s paw. That would have been cool, though, huh? What am I saying? No, that would not have been cool. Gotta stay focused.

 Pot is bad. Very bad. It will blow your world to smithereens. You’ll get mixed up with backstabbing drug dealers. You’ll embroil yourself in crazy schemes. You’ll write inane sentences and think you are a poet. You will think your friend Kelly is a qualified barber, and end up with gashes in your skull. No, that’s too harsh.

 You’ll sit around with your friends, stoned out of your gourds, and write a letter to the Frito-Lay corporation, telling them to cease and desist with their Just Say No To Drugs campaign, or you will boycott their Doritos, and that will be a problem for them because it is a well known universal truth that stoners eat A LOT of Doritos. That will show those folks at Frito-Lay. Man that was funny. What am I saying? I can’t tell them that story.

  What if I claim that I had a promising career in the minor leagues, but I failed a drug test and that ended my baseball career? No, they would probably want proof.

  Criminy. How the hell do I talk to my kids about the dangers of pot? Where’s Nancy Reagan when you need her?