Paticus' Past Volume Seven : " So, A Kid Walks Into A Bar With A Wasp In His Pants"

Have you heard this one before ? No ?

I was walking across campus yesterday when I noticed a bee flying around my foot. I don't mean that the bee was flying in a circle "around" my foot, but it was flying in the vicinity of my foot. Guess what happened ? Yep, I had another flashback. This one to my early childhood...Let's go there, shall we ?

I was probably 4 or 5 maybe, I don't truly remember, but I was a youngin, that's for sure. My Mom and I were going to visit my Dad at work to bring him his lunch. at this time, my Dad was the owner of a bar. He worked during the day. Just about everyday, I think, my Mom would bring him his lunch. They would talk, plan,conspire... I don't know...do whatever parents do.

I would drink a Coke and play pinball(or video games), or talk to my Dad, or talk to some of the guys that would be there. Some came into eat their lunches, others had been there most of the morning, if you know what I mean(and I think that you do). But, they were a relatively cheery bunch of guys, as far as I remember. I mean, there weren't any knife fights or anything, just some older guys who drank and wanted some conversation. Knowing life as I do now, they may have been relatively unhappy guys, but they were always nice to me.

Anyway, this one fine day, we went to take my Dad some lunch. I sat down on the seat, and screamed in pain, and jumped back up. The seat was inspected, but there was no apparent reason for the seat to be causing me ass pain. My parents thought I was just being an idiot(which, in there defense, I often was- still am, really) and they told me to sit down. So, I did.

And I promptly yelled in pain again, and jumped out of the seat. Now, I was also a bit of a hypochondriac, even at that age, and a bit of a wuss. I broke my leg when I was 2, and when they took the cast off, I refused to get off of the table, fearing that I would break my leg again. So, my parents believed that I was simply reacting to the first mystery pain from sitting down, and not actually hurt again, so they told me to sit down again. I did.

And jumped up and screamed in pain again. This time I started crying and grabbing at my butt cheek. My Mom pulled my pants down, and lo and behold, out flew a wasp( For the record, I was not in the habit of storing insects in my oants). And there was Paticus' heiney, with three red sting marks on it.

Needless to say, that wasp did not make it out of that bar. No it did not. There was a bond formed that day between me and the denizens of that tavern. They had seen me wronged, and they were going to avenge me. It took several swats with rolled up newspapers, but those brave men finally meted out some Budweiser justice on that wasp's ass. Justice that was never spoken of again, until this very day. Every time after that fateful afternoon when I would see those gentlemen, there was always an unspoken bond, a bond forged over that wasp carcass in that dusty tavern, on that hot Jersey summer day.

Now, I say it was a wasp, because it is my understanding that wasps can sting more than once. There was no study made of the wasp, that was not possible. The evidence needed to be disposed of quickly. So, it may have been some sort of super bee that was able to sting more than once. We may never know. Just know it got what it deserved.

As you may have guessed, the wasp had flown up my pants leg as we walked from the car. So, now I can never see a low flying stinging insect without thinking of being stung on the ass.