Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Paticus' Present,Volume 2: Iguana Raiders Of the Lost Vue

I have a bold prediction for this summer's blockbuster movies...I predict that Indiana Jones And the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull will be huuuuuge among the iguana population.
Why do I think that ? I'm glad you asked...

It all started last Friday at around 4 p.m.. I left work early to pick up my kids from daycare. I had parked my car under a tree in order to take advantage of the shade...A decision that would change the course of my afternoon.

I left the parking lot, and I was about a block and a half down the road at a red light when an iguana climbed onto the hood of my car. He/she had climbed straight up from the front of the car. I realized instantly what he/she was doing...He/she was re-enacting the hyper-exciting Nazi truck chase from "Raiders Of The Lost Ark"(which, by the way, they called "Indiana Jones And The Raiders Of the Lost Ark" for the boxed set DVD release, which is bullshit!-It's just 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark", dammit !!!). Who knew iguanas were such big Indy fans ? This is why I think that the iguana population will flock to the new movie.

I did not want to ruin his/her homage to that fine,fine movie, so I decided to play along(or at least drive along)...I unfortunately did not have my Luger with me, so I could not shoot at him, but I used my forefinger and thumb, and I think I sold it pretty well.

At the next stop light, he/she scrambled up to about the mid point of the hood of the car. I ad-libbed and yelled some German words at him, like schnitzel and Beck's and swinehunt. I think I was doing pretty well, because he looked pretty freaked out.

At the next stop light he scampered up to the windshield. He stared in at me, doing his best Harrison Ford impersonation..And I'll tell you what, he was pretty good. I mean, he had the stubble, and the sarcastic glare down pat. I'm still not sure how he managed to keep his fedora on through the whole thing, but i guess that just the magic of the movies.

As I pulled into daycare, he had grabbed onto the windshield wiper. I got out of the car, and I gave him a nod and a smile, and told him that I appreciated his performance, but he needed to hop off the car now. You know what Iguana Jones did ? He scampered under the hood of my car, that fucker.

I decided to go and get my girls, and deal with Iguana Jones when I got back to the car. So I go and get my girls, one of whom(RLB) got bitten by one of her classmates. I signed the incident form(they don't tell you who the biter was, but RLB offered up the info once we got in the car-and it was whom i suspected it was), and it was time to go.

We got to the car, and Iguana Jones was back on the windshield wiper. I pretended not to notice him, and I got the girls all strapped into their seats. I then walked over to the driver's side, and instead of getting in the car, I made a grab for Iguana Jones. He proved too fast for me, and he scampered back under the hood.

I then popped the hood, and he scampered over to the passenger side of the car. as I walked over to the passenger side, he started to scramble along the side of the car. I diverted him, and he made about three laps around the outside of the passenger side mirror. that was his error. While he was running around the mirror, I was able to grab hold of his tail. I held him up to my eye level, and I said(in my best German accent)"No time for love, Dr. Jones."(I know that's from Temple of Doom, but it was the first line that popped into my head.) and I tossed him into the bushes.

I climbed into the car, and LAB said,"The lizard got away, Daddy.". And I turned to her and said, "No, Daddy put the lizard away, sweetie." And we went on our way, as the Indiana Jones theme played in my head.


c2 said...

RLB and LAB's (and my)hero!

Paticus said...

c2- well, shucks Ma'am, i don't know that i'm any kinda hero...I mean, garsh..It tweren't nuthin'.

Tina said...

I must be so out of touch. I didn't even know there was a new Indiana Jones movie coming. And, what the heck are iguanas? Knowledge is power.

Paticus said...

Tina- I am here to inform. And I guess now that the iguanas are out stumping for the movie with their performance art pieces, more and more people will know about it.
here is some info on iguanas:

thanks for the visit and comment!!