Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fuck VH1 And That 80's Horse They Rode in On !!!

Over the long Billie Jean King holiday weekend, I watched the VH1 marathon of the 100 Greatest Songs Of the 80's(Which i apparently missed when it aired originally in 2006). 5 hours of my life.
Now, I realize that part of the point of these lists is to spark conversation and argument and such, but some of the shit on this list is ridiculous. This is further proof why the American people shouldn't be allowed to vote for anything( For other examples, see the White House and the people voted version of Monopoly-what a fucking train wreck that thing is !) Let's run down the list, shall we ?


100 Loverboy / "Working for the Weekend" 1981-Good start-great prototypical 80's tune.
99 Wang Chung / "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" 1986 -Irritating song, but unavoidable- okay.
98 Bobby Brown / "My Perogative" 1988 -Meh, whatever.
97 The Romantics / "What I Like About You" 1980 -Great 80's tune.
96 Men at Work / "Down Under" 1982 -See above, but I might have been tempted to go with "Who Can It Be Now" but no major beef.
95 Debbie Gibson / "Only in My Dreams" 1987- Don't know it, don't much care.
94 The Rolling Stones / "Start Me Up" 1981 -Overrated, irritating song from the World's Greatest Rock 'n' Roll band.
93 Gary Numan / "Cars" 1980- I looooved this song in 5th grade !
92 New Kids on the Block / "You Got It (The Right Stuff) 1988 -Don't know it, but they were huge in the late '80's, so okay, I guess.
91 Katrina and The Waves / "Walking On Sunshine" 1983- Can't escape it. Fun tune.
90 Tone-Loc / "Wild Thing" 1989 -See 91
89 The Pretenders / "Brass in Pocket" 1980 -Great fucking song-found out that Chrissie Hynde hates it-interesting. At least they didn't pick "Middle Of The Road"
88 Chaka Khan / "Ain't Nobody" 1989-Vaguely remember this one-meh.
87 Falco / "Rock Me Amadeus 1986 -Another irritating song, but also unavoidably '80's.
86 Bow Wow Wow / "I Want Candy" 1982 -Great tune, GREAT !!! love the guitar riff.
85 Robert Palmer / "Addicted to Love" 1985 -Meh-see #87 and #99
84 Lionel Richie / All Night Long (All Night) 1983 -Cheesey '80's pop.
83 Prince / "Kiss" 1986 -This one always annoyed me.
82 Squeeze / "Tempted"1981 -Great song. Easily 3 or 4 Squeeze songs could be on here.
81 Cameo / "Word Up!" 1986 -Meh
80 Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock / "It Takes Two" 1988-Great tune. Maybe the first rap song I ever heard.
79 Human League / "Don't You Want Me?" 1981 -Great early '80's synth tune.
78 Blondie / "Call Me" 1980 - I loves me some Debbie Harry
77 New Edition / "Candy Girl" 1983 - Never listend to these guys, but they were big.
76 Thomas Dolby / "She Blinded Me With Science" 1982 -See #79
75 Prince / "Little Red Corvette" 1983 - oooh, great, great song.
74 George Michael / "Faith" 1987 - Meh.
73 Nena / "99 Luftbaloons" 1983 -I always liked the English version better, I remember it being on MTV like every 15 minutes or so it seemed.
72 The Fixx / "One Thing Leads to Another" 1983-One of the 100 Greatest ? Naw.
71 Rick James / "Super Freak" 1981 -Enough said.
70 Joan Jett & The Blackhearts/ "I Love Rock N' Roll" 1981- Great tune.
69 R.E.M / "It's The End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)" 1987-Great song, I always liked "Fall on Me" (among others)better, but at least it's not "The One I Love)
68 Public Enemy / "Fight the Power" 1988 -Great song, though I like "Bring the Noise" better.
67 REO Speedwagon / "Keep On Loving You" 1980 -Perhaps the ultimate cheesy '80's power ballad.
66 Depeche Mode / "Just Can't Get Enough" 1981- meh- never much cared for them.
65 Foreigner / "I Want to Know What Love Is" 1984 -More essential cheesey '80's.
64 Paula Abdul / "Straight Up" 1988 - AAh, Paula before she was crazy.
63 Devo / "Whip It" 1980 -Great song. I loved this one in 5th grade too.
62 Berlin / "Take My Breath Away" 1986 -Meh-This song sucked.
61 Styx / "Mr. Roboto" 1983 -One of the top Ten greatest bad songs ever! Listening to Dennis DeYoung explain this is priceless.
60 Young M.C. / "Bust a Move" 1989-Great pop-rap tune
59 John Mellencamp / "Jack & Diane" 1982 -Always underrated, in my book.
58 Culture Club / "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" 1982 - Does it get much more '80's ?
57 Toni Basil / "Mickey" 1981 See #58
56 Bonnie Tyler / "Total Eclipse of the Heart" 1983-This would give #67 a run for it's money(if you include the video, I think it wins)
55 A Flock of Seagulls / "I Ran (So Far Away)" 1982-Again, see #'s 58 & 57
54 Salt-N-Pepa / "Push It" 1986 -Meh.
53 Billy Idol / "White Wedding" 1988 (this says 88, but I know it's earlier than that-VH1 fucked the years up on a few of these, they had the REM song released in 1980) that sneer, that hair, the percussive butts in black pants.
52 Dead or Alive / "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" 1985- I HATED this song. Still do.
51 Ratt / "Round and Round" 1984 -'80's hair metal at it's best.
50 Eurythmics / "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" 1983 -Creeeepy tune even BEFORE Marilyn Manson got his hands on it.
49 Beastie Boys / "Fight For Your Right" 1986-I didn't like this song when it was first out, I came to appreciate it later.
48 Bruce Springsteen / "Born in the U.S.A." 1984-Great, misunderstood song. Only Broooce song on this list, where's Dancing in the Dark ?
47 Twisted Sister / "We're Not Gonna Take It" 1984-Good song-GREAT video.
46 The Police / "Every Breath You Take" 1983 -Aaaah stalking. This was actually a great moment in t5he show, because the show originally aired in 2006, so they are talking about how a Police reunion"will never happen". But on another topic, only 1 Police song ? Really ?
45 Janet Jackson / "Nasty" 1986- Meh, never really listened to her.
44 Bananarama / "Cruel Summer" 1984 -meh- Karate Kid flashbacks.
43 ABC / "Look of Love (Part One)" 1982 - Shouldn't be here
42 The Clash / "London Calling" 1982 -42 ? 42 ? Are you fucking kidding me ? how about 1 ? At least top ten ? Also, this song was 1980(technically, I think it was 1979)-Combat Rock came out in 1982.
41 Mötley Crüe / "Dr. Feelgood" 1989 -No. No. No. Where's "Home Sweet Home" ?
40 The B-52's / "Love Shack" 1989 -I FUCKING DESPISE THIS SONG!!!!! We actually set a cassingle of this song on FIRE when I was in college.
39 Modern English / "I Melt With You" 1982- Awesome tune, should be MUCH higher on this list.
38 U2 / "Pride (In the Name of Love)" 1984 - Good tune.
37 Aerosmith / "Janie's Got a Gun" 1989 - Meh, certainly an unavoidable song, but they have better.
36 Tommy Tutone / "867-5309 / Jenny" 1981- I'll admit it, I called the number.
35 Phil Collins / "In the Air Tonight" 1981 -Great drums, great song.
34 Poison / "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" 1988 - Cheesey, cheesey. cheesey
33 Soft Cell / "Tainted Love" 1981 -See #'s 79 & 76
32 Night Ranger / "Sister Christian" 1983 - Motorin'- enough said.
31 Queen and David Bowie / "Under Pressure" 1981 -Great, great song, probably also deserves to be up higher.
30 Pat Benatar / "Love is a Battlefield" 1983- I love Pat Benatar, but where's "Shadows Of the Night" ?
29 Talking Heads / Burning Down the House 1983-Perhaps my least favorite Talking heads song- I really dislike it.
28 Wham! / "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" 1984-Meh- hate this song, but hard to avoid, very '80's tune.
27 Kajagoogoo / "Too Shy" 1984 - see #58, 57 & 55
26 Guns N' Roses / "Welcome to the Jungle" 1987 - Great fucking song. Plain and simple.
25 Go-Go's / "Our Lips Are Sealed" 1981 -Love me some Go-Go's.
24 A-Ha / "Take On Me" 1985 - I never liked this song. Wasn't the video better than the song ?
23 Cyndi Lauper / "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" 1984 -Great tune, Cyndi Lauper is fantastic.
22 The Cure / "Just Like Heaven" 1987 - Another great song. Just great.
21 Michael Jackson / "Beat It" 1982- maybe a freak show, but OWNED the music world at this point.
20 Rick Springfield / "Jessie's Girl" 1981- More cheesey '80's rock- waaay tooo high on the list, probably shouldn't be here at all.
19 Cyndi Lauper / "Time after Time" 1984- Cyndi kicks ass- she did a great acoustic version of this song on the Howard Stern show in the '90's.
18 Dexy's Midnight Runners / "Come On Eileen" 1982- What's worse than grease on Olivia Newton-John ?
17 Whitesnake / "Here I Go Again" 1982- Huh ? Number 17 ? And again, 1982 ? This was like '87, wasn't it ?
16 INXS / "Need You Tonight" 1987 -Good tune, but # 16 ?
15 Van Halen / "Jump" 1984 - Great tune. Great.Diamond Dave kicks ass.
14 The Bangles / "Walk Like an Egyptian" 1986 -This song bites, "Manic Monday" is faaaar better, but neither one should be in the Top 15.
13 U2 / "With Or Without You" 1984 - Great,great song, and I think there's a naked boob in the video.
12 Whitney Houston / "How Will I Know" 1985 - catchy tune, for sure, but I don't much like it.
11 Journey / Don't Stop Believin' 1981 - This should be higher, maybe one of the greatest songs EVER.
10 AC/DC / "You Shook Me All Night Long" 1980- Can't go wrong on this one.
09 Run-D.M.C. / "Walk This Way" 1986 -Great tune, and important,as well, so I hear.
08 Madonna / "Like a Virgin" 1984 -Trantino's riff on this in "Reservoir Dogs" is awesome. This one probably meant more for her careerwise, but the tunes on her first record are better.
07 Guns N' Roses / Sweet Child O' Mine 1987 -Great fucking riff.
06 Hall & Oates / "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" 1981 -WHAT THE FUCK ? this song sucks, and what are they doing in the Top MOTHERFUCKING Ten !?!?!?!? maybe "maneater" somewhere in the '70's. Maybe.
05 Prince / "When Doves Cry" 1984 -Can't argue here-great song.
04 Michael Jackson / "Billie Jean" 1982 -See # 21.
03 Duran Duran / "Hungry Like the Wolf" 1982 -Okay, perhaps the ultimate '80's pop tune, i can forgive this, amybe even agree with it, if I have had a few beers.
02 Def Leppard / "Pour Some Sugar On Me" 1987- Number 2 ? And anyway, where is "Photograph" ? But this pales next to...
01 Bon Jovi / "Livin' on a Prayer" 1986- Huh ? What ? Did Bon Fucking Jovi sleep with EVERYONE who voted ? This song "Sucks rope." to quote George the Handyman from "Newhart". First of all, IF Bon Jovi is to have a song on this list(and that's a large IF) it would have to be "You Give Love a Bad Name", wouldn't it ? And it should be somewhere in the '60's, I would think. Or maybe "Wanted Dead or Alive".
This is simply a disgrace. Ridiculous.

Now, where was "Touch Of Grey", by the good old Grateful Dead ? Where was Huey Lewis ? Billy Joel ? Toto ? Peter Gabriel ? John Parr ? "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood ? Stevie Nicks ? Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers ? OMD ? Greg Kihn ? The Vapors ? "Video Killed The Radio Star" by the Buggles ? Crowded House ? Adam Ant ?The list goes on and on.

What were those fucks over at VH1 thinking ?


Okay, I think I'm done.


What songs do YOU think should/should not be on the list ?

7 comments:

Feral Mom said...

Very, very funny Paticus. I'll quibble with you on Rick Springfield--man was, is, always will be a pop genius. "Jessie's Girl" is not his best--I'd put "Love is Alright Tonite" or "Love Somebody" on there, top 20, hell, top 10 but you know I love me some Rick.

Unforgivable omissions--OMD "If You Leave", Pat Benatar "Invincible", and Duran Duran "View to a Kill." Yeah, I liked movie soundtracks, back in the day.

Huey Lewis...no. Just...no.

Paticus said...

Feral mom- I never really listend to OMD, but I do rememeber that song being omnipresent for a few years there. As for "Invincible"- the Legend Of Billie Jean is another one of the great bad, bad movies of the '80's- "Fair is Fair!!" I must disagree with "View To A Kill".
And no Huey Lewis ? Are you crazy ? "Do you Believe In Love ?" "I Want a New Drug", "Power Of Love " "Heart of Rock And Roll "

Feral Mom said...

Ah, you see, Huey's a personal issue. I travel to Detroit at least once a year, and the entire time I have "DE-TROIT! Uh. Heart of Rock-n-Roll" followed by a sax solo in my head, and it is Huey's fault.

But I realize the list shouldn't be personal, so I'll give you Huey if I can have Rick...and Rush.

Paticus said...

Feral Mom- Sure it can be personal, why not ?
I'll give you Springfield..and I forgot all about Rush !! Tom Sawyer ! Limelight ! I was always a sucker for Subdivisions as well.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

Firstly, a big problem here is that you were obviously an elementary school youngster in the 80's. You totally do NOT count and should not be allowed to pick the top 100.

Cuz I said so, that's why.

Secondly, you said 'meh' to a lot of serious classics (either songs or singers/bands. Ie., Chaka Khan and Cameo.)

Thirdly, that whole Bon Jovi #1 thing is a fucking tragedy. I have no idea what idiots voted for that song but they obviously missed the entire Hysteria album which was second only to the Thriller album. Pretty much any song from either of those records should be at #1 just for sheer popularity. Slippery When Wet only made it to #2 on Billboard.

I am still scarred by You Give Love A Bad Name. I would shoot JBJ in the head just for that crap ass song alone. GAH!

They're best song, imo, was Runaway.

PS: you only just now saw this? Where you been boyfriend?

Paticus said...

Miss. Ann- Nuh-uh. I was in middle/high school for the '80's ! I graduated in '88.
I agree on Runaway- good tune. Though I still like Pyromania better than Hysteria.
My only answer is I was chjasing two one year olds around. i don't know how I missed it the first time. i watched most of the '90's one while I was visiting my Mom for Christmas, i might have to watch it again, with a more critical eye, this time.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I am heartened by the fact that you recognise the 'earnest' songs when you hear them re #67, 65, 56, etc. (earnestest song ever: All by myself. Seriously)

And You definitely hit it on the head with Melt With You but fucked up with Jesse's Girl and Father Figure. George Michael is a fucking genius AND he doesn't care who downloads his music for free. (he owns his stuff and said in an interview that the music might come from him but it doesn't belong to him and he doesn't need the money. It was at that point that I wanted to be a gay male because just damn.)

And re: Michael Jackson. Freakshows always make for the best artists. It's a rule, if you're going to be an artistic genius, which both MJ and Prince are, you have to be totally whacked. And being whacked in no way should take away from the genius of the music which is why it pisses me the fuck off when people say they hate his music because he's a fucking nutjob. Fuck that. Genius is genius.