Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Fertility Odyssey: Part 8: Sperm, This Is Egg. Egg, Meet Sperm...

Holy Shit, we are up to part 8 of the Fertility Odyssey. I figured I had better get my ass in gear and finish this damn story, as we are rapidly approaching the girls' first birthday. I thought that I would include links to parts one through seven, just in case there is anyone stopping by for the first time, or anyone who just doesn't remember the first seven episodes, or anyone who just MUST read them all again. Oh, hellfuck, what does it matter WHY I put the links there ? They are there, look at 'em if ya like, if not, that's fine too. Either way, I'll meet you below Episode 7.
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7

Good to see you again. As you now know, we left Episode 7 shortly after the "sample" was collected.
Now My Special Lady needed to continue jabbing herself in the stomach with these drugs. The drugs had two functions: One suppressed the the hormone that would tell her body to ovulate, the second one told her ovaries to grow eggs(it used a megaphone,and really late at night, if the apartment was absolutely silent, you could hear this artificially amplified voice emanating from her abdomen"Grow ! Grow !! Come on, eggs !! We want eggs !! No bacon, just eggs !!" It seemed crazy, but who am i to argue with science ? Sir Isaac Einstein ?)

She was taking the drugs for bout ten days. We both get a little hazy on the timing between the collection of the sperm sample and the egg harvesting, but it was all within about two weeks, I think. Anyway, she was jabbing herself in the belly, I would "help" by sitting there and holding vials and things, trying not to flinch. But then there was the THIRD SHOT.

The THIRD SHOT was my responsibility, as it had to be administered into my Special Lady's butt cheek. The THIRD SHOT was fucking nerve wracking, as it was the shot that told My Special Lady's ovaries to release the eggs. AND it had to be administered at a certain time, or ALL WOULD BE FOR NAUGHT !! That's a lot of pressure for a sperm challenged hippie from Jersey, I'll tell you that much.

Anyway, if I remember it correctly, the THIRD SHOT had to be administered at 10 pm on a Monday night, so that the eggs could be harvested on Wednesday morning, and then fertilized, and then put back into my Special Lady on Saturday. I think that's the timeline. I know the shot was administered on a Monday night, because I was at work, and My Special lady had to come and visit and we had to go to into this weird room that was off of the ladies' room that had beds in it, so we could play doctor.

Now, this shot thing went well, but it is not fun to have to poke someone you love in the butt with a syringe. And the fact that we could destroy a shot at IVF really scared the shit out of me. I kept thinking, shouldn't a DOCTOR really be doing this ? I mean shit, Doctor Who, Doctor Feelgood, I don't care, someone other than ME ? But I had to do it, and I apparently did not hurt her,(though that could just be one of those lies that loved ones tell each other :"You're haircut looks nice.", "It's a good size." "Of course I came.") so that was good.

The harvesting was nerve wracking ,as My Special Lady had to be sedated, but it went well. I wasn't in the OR, so I don't have a real report on it, I just remember hearing her coming down the hall, babbling incoherently, but LOUDLY, about nothing in particular, and the nurses just kept saying, "Uh-huh." and "Sure." She came through it great, and my sperm and her eggs were introduced.

Two or three days later, we were back at the hospital, and they were putting the fertilized eggs back inside. Igor and Joe were there. It was all very exciting. And it went well also. They put in three fertilized eggs.

Then we played the waiting game. As it played out, we were scheduled to find out on Christmas Eve. I think we let the "Hollywood/Fairy Tale" aspect get the better of us, and we became convinced that she was pregnant.

We were wrong. We got the call about 2:30 on Christmas Eve. The pregnancy test was negative. Shit. That was crushing. I felt useless. My Special Lady felt empty. We held each other for awhile, then decided we would of course try again. Not the best Christmas on record, though.

Stay Tuned for Part Nine.


Feral Mom said...

However, you were gracious and charming hosts to our family (including two sixth month olds) on Christmas Day, after all that. That's what we like to call in the business "class." Also, I would have to be sedated myself to give anyone a shot in the ass.

Special Lady said...

The visit from the feral family was very welcome. I seem to remember turkey, alcohol, and charming chirps from the twins.